we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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