my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My ATM looks so different sober.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
