Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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