So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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