omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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