we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
