her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
