What did we do last night that was yellow?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
