I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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