hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize