I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Lo siento on account of my penis...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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