I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
