Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
