They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
