hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
