dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
