I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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