she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
