Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
