Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
