I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
