i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize