trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's never too late to be topless.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
