it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Randomize
