not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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