My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
