i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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