Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
