i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
