I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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