Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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