Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
