every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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