Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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