I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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