Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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