I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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