You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
