I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it hurts more in the daytime
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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