she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
