i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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