Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
