I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
