i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
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