Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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