Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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