yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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