I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
we're so committed to being not committed
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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