Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
