her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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