I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Randomize
