I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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