Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
