Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize