its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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