I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
