She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
