So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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