You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
