I wish I could teleport
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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