Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I still have a little drunk in my system
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
