bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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