I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
