I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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