I'm lost and stupid without you.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
