Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
